July 15, 2009 – Today is the day my baby boy was supposed to be born and I woke up with a heavy heart this morning knowing I have to face it all day; I just wanted to curl up and go back to sleep and not wake up again.
Here’s my baby’s story:
I woke up with my baby girl who was 9 months old at the time crying for her bottle and I was reaching to give her bottle I felt the most terrible pain I have ever felt in my stomach. Luckily my mom was with me that morning and she heard me moaning and came to check up on me, she knew something was not right and called my aunt and stepmother, they rushed over and called an ambulance.
Once I got to the hospital they did ultrasounds and blood work and then came to the conclusion that I needed emergency surgery, because it was confirmed that I was internally bleeding from a ruptured uterus and they told me that there was probably nothing they can do to say my baby.
I remember that they were listening to my baby’s heart beat and that the heartbeat was strong and I started crying knowing that will be the last thing I hear of my poor son. So I begged the doctors to save my baby and never mind me but to save the baby and they told me I had to try to live for my other two children.
I don’t know if I was awake or delirious but a priest came into the room and I begged him to pray for my baby, but I later learned that there was no priest that had come into the room, then I wondered if he was an angel that came to pick up my baby? But anyway after I woke from surgery I felt very empty and heavy hearted and I knew my baby didn’t make it, once they wheeled me into intensive care unit, the nurses brought my baby to me.
I kept him all day and night and I didn’t want to let him go, I held him in my arms and never once put him down, I gave him a shower of kisses, wishing it was all a dream and that he was going to open his eyes. But it was very late and he was starting to turn a different shade of color and I knew I had to give him up and I gave him one last kiss and gave him to the nurses.
Once we got home we laid him to rest at my community cemetery we had a small ceremony for him.
I am still adjusting and I know I never had a chance to hear his first cry or see him open his eyes but its still as hard as losing a person you have known for years. I pray a lot and I know that he is with God and I find some comfort in knowing we will be reunited one day when it’s my turn to leave this world.
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