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Contemplating Mother's Day |
As Mother's Day approaches this year, I am caught up in a reverie thinking about how much my view of this holiday has changed over the years. Images are arranging themselves across the timeline of my days. It is bittersweet to look back on how the meaning of this special day has been transformed by the events of my life.
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The Grief of Mother's Day |
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For Mother's Day, there will be gatherings and celebrations honoring mothers. Families will come together to toast their moms on this special day and shower her with gifts and love. But what of the families who are immersed in grief this Mother's Day? What about those who have lost their mother? What about the bereaved mother who has just experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth? What of the parents whose child of any age has died?
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We Do Not Grieve in a Vacuum |
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Openness and honesty during the grieving process are vital.
When you survive a deep loss like the death of your child, I don't
think many people would argue with the fact that you come through this
event a changed person. In fact, I think "changed" is putting it
mildly. And while most people would (and do) agree with this notion in
theory, the ramifications in practice are not so easily accepted.
So, what happens when you are living in your grief and the rest of the
world has gone back to their lives? How can you cope with the
well-meaning family and friends who have decided that it is time for
you to move on? Once you've settled into your post-loss life, what are
you supposed to do about the well-meaning people who just wish you'd be happier,
more interested in life, or just quite simply... the old you?
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More Songs From the Journey |
How often have you heard a song that just makes your skin tingle
because it is speaking to your heart? How rare is that one song that
conjures emotions and thoughts so strongly that you share it with
others in an effort to explain your own grief and pain? How many times
have you purchased an album for that one song, skipping over all the
others on the CD just to play and replay that song until you know
all the words by heart?
"Grief music", as I affectionately call it, is a tender gift. It is
music that allows healing tears, expresses our deepest thoughts and
sometimes touches on the darker side of things. Most of all, grief
music lights up a facet of life after loss in such a way that when we
hear these songs we can hear our soul cry, "Yes, exactly!"
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Weeding Your Garden - by Kristi Sagrillo |
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Dealing with the reality of changing relationships after your child dies.
A wise gardener once told me that if you want a beautiful garden to
grow you must weed it from time to time. Weeding for any gardener,
whether it’s a small flower pot on the front porch or a gorgeous flower
garden in the backyard is an assumed task and occasionally just has to
be done. However, if you neglect to prune the weeds they will
eventually begin to overcrowd or, worse yet, become invasive and try
and take over your entire garden.
After the death of my son, I began to apply this same logic to my own life.
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Awareness License Plates in CO |
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CALLING ALL
COLORADO RESIDENTS!
We have been working with the folks at the Colorado State Department of
Motor Vehicles to get our application in place for a new specialty
license plate for CHILD LOSS AWARENESS! The image here is not indicative of the actual plate, which has yet to be designed by the state.
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Do you have a healing story to tell?
If you've spent any time on the RTF website, you'll have read some of the essays about my personal experience of loss and healing, finding meaning, and making connections. Part of what makes these essays so popular is the moment when you read something that speaks to your own feelings. Perhaps articulating a thought that you previously thought was your own.
Each of us will travel this road of grief in our own unique way, but there is a large part of this experience that we all share. You are invited to submit your healing story for inclusion in the RTF website.
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